Ask Her

Ask Her: Michelle Monaghan


MICHELLE MONAGHAN from Mission Impossible, True Detective, Gone Baby Gone, Hulu’s The Path, and Netflix’s Messiah


What happens if I meet a woman I like and she likes me, but she’s at an age where she wants kids and I’ve already had kids and not sure if I want to have more? Do I just not date her? Do I need to date younger women if I’m not ready for kids? – C.D. 


This is a great question and one that affects many men and women—on both sides. The desire to have or not to have children isn’t unanimously a woman issue. There are a lot men out there who love the idea of being a father one day—you being one of them, while there are a lot of women who don’t necessarily feel the maternal urge. Both are normal. And both are perfectly ok.

The likelihood of you meeting someone who wants to have children is very plausible, and that’s where communication is key. I’m not saying this is something that needs to be discussed on the first date or two, but as you organically start to learn about each other, the subject will naturally arise.

I’m sure you’ve enjoyed fatherhood and that’s a beautiful part of your life you can share with your date. You can be transparent about not being sure if you’d like to have more children one day. Of course it could be a deal breaker, but it also might lead to a deeper conversation about your respective priorities and values. After all, perhaps if you meet the right person, you might want to go down that path all over again. Communication with compassion is a very attractive quality and the more you practice that, in any relationship, the more meaningful your connection will always be.